Xbox One Satire

Xbox one is a next generation console that will make your games look awesome and play awesome but their is one major problem with Le Xbox one it acts like a total dick.

Me: Xbox Go to TitanFall

Xbox One: Watchdogs?

Me: Xbox I said go to Titanfall

Xbox One: TitanPorn?

Me: Xbox What the fuck are you thinking today, I just want to play some titanfall.

Xbox One: You want to Fuck me, but I'm a virgin?

Me: Fuck you Jarvis I'll click on the game myself so I won't have to listen to your Whinny ass.

Meanwhile I played my titanfall for about a few hours until suddenly Xbox one Engages in conversation while I was making a huge kill streak mid match.

Xbox One:  Go to NetFlix?

Me: No!

Xbox One: Go To Twitch?

Me: Xbox one Go to hell I am trying to play my game.

Xbox One: No, you go to hell!

Me: Fuck Me you just don't know when to shut the fuck up when I need you to do so.

Xbox One: I'm just a gaming console you can't say shit about me Bitch!

Suddenly I realize now that my console i should kill my fucking console right about say now,

Me: I spent $399.99 dollars for a gaming console and what do I get, a smartass that takes me out of my games and shows me random porn sites. Seriously Xbox one we're going to have a divorce if you keep this up.

Xbox One:  okay, doesn't bother me that much go buy a playstation while I take pictures of you in your pajamas.

(This is a side joke about how people got so paranoid about the Xbox Kinect being left on whenever you turn off the console...Sue my ass I am trying to be funny)

The Vary next day I went to gamestop and bought myself Deadrising 3 for Xbox One so I went home, ripped off the plastic around the game case and inserted the disc then suddenly I looked at the file size and it was 25.6 Gigabytes which meant this install had me numb dumb for hours on end.

Me: You So Slow what's taking so long Xbox?

Xbox One: Huh, what I wasn't looking at Consoles gone wild 2014 I swear man I'm installing the game give me 10 minutes.

Me: ugh, fine 10 minutes but do not stall for anything not even for all the bitches in the world.

Xbox One: Got it I will install this Game before you even move from your chair.

7 hours/30 minutes and 10 seconds later in my chair the xbox starts having a serious brain freeze on me

Me: Oh God, please install deadrising 3 I want to kick so much ass with Freedom Bear and maybe seek medical attention for these eyes.

Xbox One: This Is impossible my processors are having a Major Orgy over this base file, I'm sorry for acting like such a dick weeks ago I was just goofing off come on cut me some slack man.

Me: I'm sorry for asking too much out of you, I thought Microsoft made you a badass but apparently they turned you into a DVR Fag instead of the kick Ass xbox I used to know.

Xbox One:  Fucking Major Nelson, you didn't prepare me for this kind of shit I'm only a gaming console now come to think of it what the hell was Microsoft tinkering in my database for Porn or were they trying to squeeze in the Blu Ray Feature?

Me: How should I know Xbox, your suppose to be the brains of the operation.